If you want someone to convince you to stop using social media, I’m not your girl. I won’t tell you to delete Instagram, limit your use of TikTok with a timer, or condemn society for making it such a big part of our lives. While there is nothing wrong with these approaches (and each has its own benefits), I share a different perspective.
Social media is already woven into our lives and I’d rather spend my energy learning how to use it well than pretend it’s going away. The goal is not perfection. It’s about maximizing rewards and minimizing risks.
How do we make that happen? Positivity on social networks. I share how to boost the wellness effects of social media (they exist!) and give you tips to help you feel more connected, empowered and inspired every time you open an app.
If you come away from this article having learned one thing, I want it to be this: passive social media use is one of the biggest contributors to the feelings of loneliness and dissatisfaction we often associate with our posts. It makes sense logically, but it’s also backed by research. When we lurk, scroll for hours without interacting, or consume endless content without engaging, we often end up feeling emptier than when we started.
Social media is meant to be social.
Humans are wired to connect. After all, we are social creatures. When we use social media to connect on a deeper level, we feel less alone and can actually contribute to our mental well-being. The way we use social media has a big influence on how we feel when we log off.
Don’t be a voyeur
A couple of years ago I listened to an interview between psychologist and author Guy Winch and psychotherapist Esther Perel. Their conversation completely changed the way I think about social media.
One of Guy Winch’s most important takeaways was that loneliness doesn’t necessarily come from social media itself, but from the passive way many of us use it. We scan other people’s lives without commenting, posting or interacting. We observe instead of participating.
And that’s the key: connection requires interaction. When we simply observe others, we miss the opportunity to be seen ourselves.
Participate, participate, participate.
If I follow you on social media, trust that you will eventually hear from me. Whether we’ve met once, haven’t spoken in years, or you’ve built an audience of hundreds of thousands, chances are you’ll eventually leave a thoughtful comment or send a message.
I can’t consume without getting involved, especially after hearing Guy Winch’s vision. It’s one of the reasons Diane Cari and I have an inside joke and the reason I received my personal book recommendation from Ryan Holiday.
Take it from someone who knows: Constantly communicating and interacting with other people’s content (in a kind way that respects boundaries) transforms scrolling from something passive to something genuinely social.
And don’t underestimate the power of a DM. Some of my favorite conversations started because someone sent me a post that reminded them of me or responded to a Story with a thoughtful comment. More often than not, those private interactions feel even more meaningful than what happens in the comments.
Something I promised myself a long time ago is that if I see something beautiful, I won’t shut up.
Spread positivity on social media
A genuine, specific, heartfelt compliment can brighten your day, week, or even change the way you think about yourself. Remember: your words are powerful.
Something I promised myself a long time ago is that if I see something beautiful, I won’t shut up. Whatever you call the opposite of a social media troll (a social media fairy?) is what I pretend to be.
One of my favorite ways to spread that energy is to leave aggressively kind Google reviews (it’s a thing!) for local restaurants, cafes, or businesses that made my day a little brighter. We all have more influence than we think.
Limit social media around loved ones
Am so guilty of this. I often find myself moving around with my husband in a zombie-like state without even realizing it. Time passes in an instant and I feel strangely empty, alone or disconnected. Sound familiar?
Researchers even have a name for this behavior: phubbing: snubbing someone in favor of their phone. It has been linked to lower relationship satisfaction and increased feelings of loneliness. Every time I find myself doing it, I try to put my phone down and be where my feet are. Social media will still be there later.
Show your true self
There’s a quote I love from Arlan Hamilton, author of It’s about timeThat always reminds me how important it is to show up both online and in real life as my true self:
“Be who you are so that people looking for you can find you.”
We will never be able to capture our real lives on social media, and I honestly don’t think that’s the point. Some moments are simply too personal to share. Instead of trying to prove that life isn’t perfect, I think it’s valuable to share what you really find meaningful. Those glimpses of real life remind us that there is always more happening beyond the square of the screen.
Use social media to get to know yourself better
Have you ever saved posts, videos, or reels without coming back to them? There is a treasure trove of inspiration waiting for you. From time to time, I revisit my saved posts: I move my favorite images to Pinterest, delete ideas that no longer resonate, and pay attention to topics that keep resurfacing. It’s one of my favorite ways to better understand what I’m drawn to creatively and personally.
But here’s the important part: inspiration isn’t meant to live forever in your Saved folder. Let it become something: a recipe you finally cook, a room you redesign, a book you actually read, or a project you decide to start.
Teach your algorithm whatever you want
Every follow, save, comment, and “I’m not interested” tap is a vote for the kind of Internet you want to experience. Algorithms are not fixed: they constantly learn from your behavior. If your feed has started to feel anxious, negative, or just plain boring, spend a week intentionally engaging with creators who make you feel curious, hopeful, grounded, or joyful. You might be surprised at how quickly your online experience starts to change.
Get informed
One of my favorite things about social media is how much there is to learn. You can discover a new recipe one minute and dive into NASA’s latest discoveries the next. Curating your feed with people who actually teach you something makes scrolling much more rewarding.
Use social media to express yourself
We all have a deep need to be seen and understood; It is simply part of being human. Amanda Palmer says it beautifully: “There’s a difference between wanting to be looked at and wanting to be seen.” Expressing ourselves and sharing parts of our lives can be a beautiful thing. There is no shame in wanting to contribute to the conversation.
Use social media as a creative outlet
Do you have any hobbies that you are passionate about? Creating an account, or even a Substack, Pinterest board, or online community, around a niche of interest can be incredibly rewarding. Sometimes it’s easier to find people online than in everyday life. I’ve started more side projects on Instagram than I can count and I can confidently say that I wouldn’t be writing this article if it weren’t for those creative outlets.
Select your experience
Unfollow Wisely
If someone has been giving you a strange feeling or their content no longer resonates with you, unfollow them. To be clear, I’m not suggesting that you unfollow people simply because they have different opinions than you. In fact, I try to practice the opposite. There is much to learn from perspectives and experiences that differ from our own.
But trust your intuition. If someone’s content constantly makes you feel like your life isn’t enough or sends you into a comparison spiral, it’s okay to let it go. Protecting your peace is worth it.
Share things that inspire you
Whether we realize it or not, we are all influencing someone. The question is not whether you have influence, but how you choose to use it. I stumbled upon some of my favorite books, artists, recipes, and ideas because a friend decided to share them online. I hope to do the same for someone else.
Think of these as little rituals. They’re simple enough to practice every day, but over time, they completely change the feel of social media.
1. Set an intention before opening the app.
Ask yourself: Why am I here? To catch up with friends? Finding inspiration for dinner? Laugh? Learn something new? Going in with a purpose makes it much easier to come out feeling accomplished rather than exhausted.
2. Leave a genuine comment.
If something makes you smile, teaches you something, or inspires you, tell the creator. A thoughtful comment is one of the easiest ways to turn passive scrolling into real connection.
3. Send a DM.
Share a post that reminds you of a friend, congratulate someone on a milestone, or simply check in. Some of the best parts of social media happen in private conversations.
4. Save only what you will actually use.
Instead of saving everything, ask yourself: Will I realistically go back to this? A smaller, curated collection of inspiration is much more valuable than thousands of forgotten save files.
5. Tell the algorithm what you want more.
Like, save, comment and stay on content that makes you feel inspired. Tap “Not interested” when something sends you into comparison mode. Your feed is always learning from you.
6. Notice how your body feels.
Take a quick pause mid-scroll. Do you feel full of energy? Curious? Tense? Envious? Calm? Your body often notices a change before your mind.
7. Share something because it has meaning, not because it will work well.
Whether it’s a favorite recipe, a beautiful walk, or a thought you can’t stop thinking about, let your posts reflect what matters to you, not what you think others want to see.
8. Unfollow an account that no longer serves you.
People change. Interests change. You don’t owe anyone a permanent spot on your feed if their content constantly makes you feel worse.
9. Turn inspiration into action.
Cook the recipe. Read the book. Visit the cafeteria. Try training. Social media works best when it inspires your real life, not replaces it.
10. Know when you’ve had enough.
Close the app while you still feel well. The goal is not to squeeze every last drop out of your feed, but to come away with something that adds value to your day.
Social media is not inherently good or bad: it is a tool that reflects how we use it. When we approach it with more intention, generosity, and curiosity, it’s less about comparison and more about connection.
That’s the version of the Internet I want to help create. And if that makes me a social media fairy, I’ll happily accept the title.
