This week I felt a wave of general anxiety, as one feels…
I’ve had anxiety my entire life, although when I was a teenager I thought I was just your typical claustrophobic Type A first-born daughter. Don’t we all sob in the middle of winter because it feels like the sky is closing? Don’t we all walk 23 flights of stairs in your father’s office building because the elevators might get stuck? Don’t we all want to punch a wall when someone screams or sneezes? Don’t we all understand it? intellectually That we are persevering but still can’t stop?
Since then, I’ve had enough spirals before bed with a sweaty forehead and racing heart to know that the cause is physical, not just mental. My beloved anti-anxiety medication has given me relief, but from time to time I feel the monkey on my back.
Of course, many people go through similar phases. One of my smartest and most capable friends called me the other day because she was convinced her house was vibrating. I walked over and lay down on her bed next to her. “I don’t feel anything,” I finally said. And she smiled sadly and said, “Well, I guess that’s good. Because it means it’s just my mind.”
Ultimately, minds can give you a real run for your money!
So this week, when I felt my heart race, I remembered something freddy he told me last fall. One weekday afternoon, when I was feeling overwhelmed, he asked me over the phone how he could help me, and I stopped, unable to think clearly enough to give him an answer. “It’s okay,” he assured me. “I just want you to know: everything you do is good.”
Everything you do is good.
Those five words instantly disarmed me and the darkness began to dissipate. Anyone with generalized anxiety, or maybe someone with a pulse? – cares about your life decisions, big and small. Of course, you’ll make mistakes and need to change course, or you’ll mess something up and fix it again, but hearing that everything you’re doing is at least good, done with thought and care, whether it’s “right” or “wrong” – and maybe there isn’t even a “right” or “wrong” – was a tonic for my worried heart. The phrase felt like when your mom parachutes the blanket when you’re a kid lying in bed, and it floats over you. And it feels so calm.
So, to anyone who is clutching their chest with love and concern, or caring for a sick friend or relative, or crossing all their fingers and toes for a baby, or stressing about finances or politics, or fighting an invisible battle that no one else can see, I want to say, and I want you to take a deep breath and listen to this:
Everything you do is good.
Sending you love, my loves. And tell me how you are this week, if you want. Xoxo
PS: Fourteen things I learned when I was 40 and the Grand Canyon trick.
(Photo by Meaghan Curry/Stocksy.)
