Twins: Two Different Individuals – HealthyChildren.org

Whenever I meet someone who grew up as a twin, I always ask them if there is anything they wish their parents had done differently. Most of the time, the response I hear is some variation on a similar theme: I wish our parents didn’t… “give us the same thing for our birthdays,” “dress us in identical outfits,” “expect us to share everything.”

While some people assume that all twins are the same, others take it to the other extreme. Many people ask me if my twin sons are opposites: one is sociable and the other is a recluse? Is one more talkative and the other quiet? Or my favorite: “Which one is the good one?” These questions imply that each twin’s character traits are defined as opposite to those of his or her twin brother. Of course this is not the case: they are individuals and each child is complete in and of themselves.

Any individual can be similar to another in some aspects and different in others. Everyone, whether born a twin or not, wants to be treated as an individual. Parents of all twins, even more so identical or same-sex twins, should think about this daily. You are a busy parent and it may sometimes be quicker or more efficient to treat your twins as a unit, but I encourage you to treat them like two children born on the same day.

A great way to treat your twins as individuals is to read their stories to them individually at night. When our twins were babies and toddlers, we operated in survival mode, so we usually read to them simultaneously. As the years went by and it became easier to care for our twins, we saw that it would be beneficial for both children to have their bedtime stories read to them one by one. Reading to each twin separately improves early reading skills and creates a calmer atmosphere in which to relax and unwind with a good book. The time and work spent reading to your twins individually is well worth it. The twins are not distracted and get much more out of the experience. Try alternating which twin reads with which parent each night. However, be realistic and, late at night or if one parent is doing bedtime alone, gather everyone together to cuddle up for bedtime stories.

Twins are good sharers, having shared their parents since they were newborns, but expecting twins to share all their things all the time is unrealistic. You will want to have a system to give each child their own personal space. Even if your twins share a bedroom, you can provide each twin with a different-colored box in which they can store their special things: a rock collection, a gift from a friend’s party, whatever they decide is important to them.

Remind each twin to respect their siblings’ personal space, both their older and younger siblings, as twins can outnumber an older sibling and confiscate a special toy with just manpower. Give each twin their own distinctive-looking piggy bank to collect loose change. Institute an internal rule that you can only check the contents of your own piggy bank!

In your living and play areas, create separate play stations so there are interesting things to do in different places in the house: one twin can play Lincoln Logs in one area while the other goes to the other room to listen to a kid’s CD player. Don’t expect your twins to play with the same objects all the time. Give each child some space and breathing room, and your days will be more harmonious.

On birthdays and holidays, give each child distinctive gifts. At 3 and 4 years old, each child has particular interests; Take note of these differences and use them as inspiration for separate gifts. Adult twins groan when they remember all the times they received 2 of the same item, maybe in different colors. When our twins were 3 years old, we noticed that Ryan was fascinated by sharks and Andrew was interested in fire trucks, so on his birthday we addressed these topics. The shark-themed books and toys remained Ryan’s, and Andrew’s new fire truck was Andrew’s. Emphasize that gift-giving family members look for distinctive gifts for their twins; They’ll probably appreciate a little guidance.

All the toys that enter your home will eventually be shared widely; After all, playing with all the cumulative toys, rather than just your own portion, is more fun! But initially, on gift-giving occasions, give each child at least a day or two with their new toy before they are expected to share it with others. After the first few days or whatever period seems appropriate, new items can become part of the public domain, fair play for all.

If your twins are fighting over who gets to play with a new object, use the stopwatch trick. Give each child a timed turn with the toy and rotate the turns. The stopwatch helps reassure your twins that turns will be fair.

Another way to emphasize the individuality of each twin is to assign a characteristic color to each child. In preschool, children often have favorite colors: use these colors on clothing, coats, toothbrushes, and backpacks to clearly indicate who owns them and speed up the process of getting ready each day. The more different the twins’ personal belongings are, the less confusion there will be about whose coat will be whose. Ah, family harmony.