How to Talk to Your Teen About Drugs and Alcohol: What I Tell Every Parent

By: Scott Hadland, MD, MPH, MS, FAAP

After years of talking to teens and their parents about substance use, this is the most important thing I’ve learned: connection matters more than control.

I hear it from parents all the time: “I’m afraid my teen is using drugs, but I don’t know how to bring it up.“These fears are valid. Adolescence is a time of exploration and risk-taking, and today’s substances (from high-potency cannabis to counterfeit pills laced with fentanyl) are much more dangerous than in previous decades.

But here’s the good news: you have more influence than you think. Here, I’ll share what I often tell parents in my clinic: practical advice drawn from research and my experience in real-life conversations to help you keep your teen safe, supported, and informed.

Start with connection, not control

When parents worry about substance use, the first instinct is often to tighten the reins: take the teen’s phone, search their room, and threaten punishment. But
investigation and experience shows that what teenagers need most is connection, not control.

start a conversation

Instead of jumping right into discipline, start a conversation. It’s best to have these conversations early and often, long before you worry that your teen has returned home after using drugs or alcohol. Conversations are most productive when they take place outside the heat of the moment, when everyone is calm and open.

Ask open-ended questions like “What have you heard about vaping at school?” or “How do your friends feel about drinking?“When teenagers feel judged, they close down. But when they feel heard, they often open up.

Trust is protective. Scare tactics, on the other hand, can backfire. They can damage communication and make teens less likely to come to you when they have problems.

Research shows that when teens feel distrustful or
ashamedthey are more likely to hide their behavior rather than change it. Building a foundation of openness and honesty will give you more influence in the long run.

Know the substances that teenagers consume

Aspects of substance use
different now that a generation ago. While alcohol remains the most consumed substance among adolescents, the use of high-potency cannabis, especially in the form of vaporizers or edibles, is increasingly common. Nicotine vaping has also increased in recent years.

One of the biggest concerns today is the risk of counterfeit pills. Some teens experiment with pills they think are Xanax, Percocet or Adderall, when in fact they may contain fentanyl or other drugs. Even a single pill can be fatal because these contaminants are often very potent and can quickly cause an overdose.

Staying informed about what teens are actually consuming can help you have more meaningful conversations. When teens feel like you’re aware of what’s going on in their world (from the slang they use to the risks of vaping and edibles), they’re more likely to take you seriously. It also shows them that you care enough to understand, not just judge.

When to involve your pediatrician or other professional

Sometimes, it’s hard to know if a teen is experiencing or actually struggling. If you notice changes in mood, sleep, appetite, school performance, or friendships, tell your pediatrician.

Pediatricians are trained to detect substance use and mental health concerns. Additionally, teens often feel more comfortable talking to a doctor than their parents. In some cases, your pediatrician may recommend a counselor, therapist, or substance use specialist.

For teens facing true addiction, it’s more
common No, they also face another mental health condition such as anxiety, depression, ADHD or trauma. Addressing mental health and substance use issues together is essential, and help is available.

Focus on delay and safety, not perfection

One of the most important goals in adolescence is to delay substance use for as long as possible. The earlier a teenager starts using, the more
likely They will develop a substance use disorder (addiction) later in life. For example, teens who start using cannabis before age 18 are twice as likely to have a substance use disorder problem than if they start using after age 18.

That said, the goal should not be perfection, but protection. Even if your teen has experimented, you can still make a difference. Be curious and ask questions like “How would you respond if someone at a party offered you a drink?”

Take advantage of a teenager’s strengths. For example, if your teen has an independent streak, take advantage of it. You could say: “You’ve never been one to follow the crowd. How do you think that might help you make decisions if your friends start using drugs or alcohol?“

Be clear about your values ​​and set expectations.

There are many positive messages about alcohol and drugs on television and social media; Sometimes you may be the only person who shares the opinion that you believe it is important not to use substances.

Make a clear recommendation that you do not want your teen to use. You could say, for example, “I care very much about your health and safety. I don’t want you to use alcohol or other drugs, especially while your brain is still developing.“Teenagers may roll their eyes, but research shows that they still
hear you, and that matters.

Don’t forget that parents can and should set limits and set clear limits on a teenager’s behavior. Read more about it here.

Safety First: Travel and Overdose Prevention

One of the most important family rules to establish is to never drive under the influence of alcohol or ride with someone who is.

Let your teen know that they can always call or text you (or another trusted adult) to ask for a ride, no questions asked.

If that’s not available, ride-sharing services like Uber or Lyft can be a good backup option, but only if your teen knows how to use them.
safely. (Talk ahead of time about checking the driver’s name, license plate, and qualification before getting on. Also remind them to sit in the back seat and share their trip status with you or another trusted adult.)

Also worth talking about is naloxone (Narcan), a medication that reverses opioid overdoses. Naloxone is safe, easy to use, and available in most pharmacies without a prescription. All households, especially those with teenagers, should have it on hand.

Keep talking, it’s never just a conversation

The most powerful prevention tool you have is your ongoing relationship with your teen. Don’t worry about giving a perfect lecture. The most important thing is to have many small conversations over time.

Talk while traveling in the car, while doing the dishes, during family Sunday breakfast, or before bed. Be curious. Reassure. Let them know that you are always there to talk, about any topic. Even if your teen has already experimented, it’s never too late to help guide them.

Remember

Your relationship with your teen is the best protection against substance use. Stay curious. And seek help when you need it. Pediatricians are here to help.

More information